Garfield's Creed II
by Jack Spheniscidae Enterprises
Summary: Garfield battles Assassin-Templar union of vengeance in quest to save all of reality! All New Fan Tribute!


Garfield's Creed II

Authors note: I did not think first tribute was adequately enough so here is the continuingations of story I originally intendings to tell

It was morning down in England as Haytham Kenway drowned his sorrows with beer at seaside town that they forgot to close down.

"Oh it is hopeless! I am a pathetic loser who has nothing left to live for!" Said Haytham with sorrows as he took out pistol and prepared to pull trigger.

"Stop right there!" Said new familiar voice as ship crashed into town, sinking everyone but Haytham into see.

"Shay Patrick Morrissey? But I thought you had gone off for solemn solo career at our expensing!" Said Haytham with recognition as distinguished man with distinguished hair step off of ship.

"Haytham Kenway what has happening to you to make you pathetic wrench?" Said Shay Patrick Morrissey with derision as he slapped Haytham.

"Garfield happen, Shay Patrick Morrissey!" Said Haytham with post-traumatic stressing disorderly as he took out tv remote and press on button.

On TV was Garfield defeating the Grandmaster Assassin of Evil and his Evil Assassins and then taking Connor's mom as his trophy with his manly hands.

"Whaaaaaaaaaaa? Taking another man's wife for his own? What is this blasphemy?" Asked Shay Patrick Morrissey with scripture.

"Garfield has shown me what much of pathetic loser I really are." Said Haytham with tears. "Now leave me be so I can kill myself in piece."

"Clear your mind of all suicidal thoughts you fool." Said Shay Patrick Morrissey with alarm as he pinched Haytham and discover his manliness had shriveled up.

"GAAAAAAARFIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELD" screamed Shay Patrick Morrissey with utter hatred.

"Oh Garfield has taken everything from me even my manliness Lets all this suffering end sooner than consumption of children's ice cream!" Said Haytham with goodbyes as he cut off head with broken bottle

"NO HAYTHAM WHY MUST HAVE YOU BEEN THE FIRST OF GANG TO DIE" Screamed Shay Patrick Morrissey with grief as he cradled Haytham body and kissed him fervently with tongue.

"Once I thought that there was nothing wonderfully more than dying by your side." Said Shay Patrick Morrissey with confessions. "I should do better and kill myself so we can become lovers in heaven…"

"But that dream is gone but the meaning is real. This night has opened my eyes, and I realize there is only one thing. We must reclaim your manliness and take over the world!" Said Shay Patrick Morrissey with realizations. "By killing the Garfield and taking his mucho manly charm for ourselves."

Shay Patrick Morrissey then hit button of revealations as stepped out of ship were the Assassinating Past Heroes and Templars who were not killed in previous Garfield Creed.

"Assassins and Templars we were enemies of once. But the reality has dawned that Greater enemy than both of us comprehending has cum. We have must joined forces in order to stop the Garfield… so from this day force we are the GARFIELD REVENGE SQUAD!" Said Shay Patrick Morrissey with unity.

Meanwhile Later on the US acres Orson was enjoying meal of bacon and pepperoni pizza when suddenly Assassins attacked.

"What is this?" Cried Orson with shock.

"Ha Ha Orson we have come to capture you!" Announced the head Assassin with reason as Assassin whipped out ganger machine guns and firing begin

"I think not. I believe it is time to pull pork of life from your limb!" Said Orson with springing to action as he dodge bullet fire.

Orson charge towards Assassins with fury of boar and he smashed into them shattering bone to dust. With stomping strength of million men sledgehammers Orson stomped Assassins to their doom.

"You may have dispatched my minions with ease but really they were nothing. Now feel the wrath of a real master!" Said voice from shadows.

"Oh no it is a true master!" Said Orson as Shay Patrick Morrissey come out of shadows.

"Run Orson I will hold him off!" Said Booker with sacrifice as he charge in from sky with vigor power.

"HAHAHAHA I THINK NOT." Said Shay Patrick Morrissey as he block Booker attack and proceeded to crack Booker open.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO YOU KILL BOOKER!" Screamed Orson as he fired guns at Shay Patrick Morrissey in grief. But to horrifying, bullets bounce off Shay Patrick Morrissey's eyes.

"You fool my eyeliner makes my eyes bulletproof! Now it is time for fresh bacon!" Said Shay Patrick Morrissey with pyrotechnics as he set Orson on fire with hairspray.

"I WILL NOT FALL UNTIL I AVENGE MY FRIEND!" Said Orson with determination as he threw spinning bird kick at Shay Patrick Morrissey.

"Then you will have to avenge him… IN HELL YOU FILTHY HAM." Said Shay Patrick Morrissey with fatalities as he blocked the kick and rip out Orson's heart.

With laughter, Shay Patrick Morrissey take out Haytham heart and did replacing. Then with seconds, Orson body begin to morph and opening up were his eyes filled with pure evil. The spirit of Haytham had become vessel for true evil!

"Welcome back, my master." Said Shay Patrick Morrissey with bowing.

"Bow before me you fool. For Haytham is." Said Haytham with superiority as he return to life, and press both fists together to reveal symbol of glowing Anti-Man. "Now is the time for my ultimate triumph, the day when evil shall win!"

"Oh Haytham when the midnighter has fallen and moon is high you shall be my Apollo." Shay Patrick Morrissey sung with adorations.

Haytham laughed evilly as he and Shay Patrick Morrissey embraced and locked lips while US Acres was nuclear explodinged. "Now lets turn that cat into my rug, my little gimp... FOR TOMORROW OF MY REIGN BEGINNING"

Meanwhile in Garfield's house Connor's mom was walking out to get mail for Garfield when suddenly upon opening mailbox bomb was detonated killing her instantly!

Then from roaring skies came three-headed fire dragon of breathing, who proceeded to set house ablaze. Riding atop of the dragon was eternal enemy of Garfield, the Mailman!

"Ha Ha Ha! Take that, you impudent cat! Now you are nothing more than toasted fur!" Said the Mailman with evil delight.

But then suddenly came rumbling of ground like mighty earthquake and before Mailman could realize Garfield rose from ground like exploding volcano. Garfield, standing mighty as sun reflected off of his bulging muscles, unleashing roar.

"WHO DARES DISTURB MY AFTERNOON SLUMBER LIKE THIS?" Shouted Garfield with indignation.

"Oh no Garfield it is I the Mailman, come to send you to your doom!" Said the Mailman as he swooped in with dragon and unleashed upon Garfield triple Breath of Fire.

But to Mailman horror, when flame subsided Garfield stood his ground unsinged.

"I am a true man. I SHOWER IN FIRE EVERY THURSDAY! Your petty flames have no affect on me." Said Garfield as he pop out claws and spun like torrent cyclone with the speed of falcon.

In cyclone rush, Garfield decapitated two of dragon's heads.

"Now King Ghi-dork-rah have a breath mint!" Said Garfield with refreshments as he pressed apart dragon's mouth and force down nuclear missile killing him with exploding.

"Please Garfield have mercy on me! I promise I will tell you where find rest of Garfield Revenge Squad if you GACKTPITY." Choked Mailman with choking as Garfield grabbed him by neck.

"Deliver this." Said Garfield with wit as he snapped Mailman's neck.

Then Garfield notice body parts of Connor's mom.

"Oh poor Connor's mom, I never even learned your name." Said Garfield with casual grief as he took up her body parts for burial.

"Garfield what has happened here!" Said Jon Arbuckle with alarm of great as he crawled out from wreckage.

"The Garfield Revenge Squad happened. But do not worry, John Arbuckle. I will hunt them to the ends of the Earth like the killer whale of eternity." Said Garfield with vows as he hopped into Vintage All-black Ford Falcon and turned up volume to overMax before playing his Black Sabbath Heaven and Hell album.

"Godspeed, Garfield!" Said Jon Arbuckle with wishing of luck as Garfield sped off into sunset to begin hunt.

"You fool your cat can't protect you now." Said voice of great evil behind Jon Arbuckle.

Jon Arbuckle turned and saw that it was Haytham Kenway, descending from hell-portal in the sky.

"Haytham Kenway! But I thought you were on the side of good in previous Garfield's Creed!" Said Jon Arbuckle with fourth wall breaking.

"I was… but then Garfield stole my family and manliness from me!" Said Haytham with hatred. "Now it is the hour for my vengeance… STARTING WITH YOU."

"Not without a fight you loony limey!" Said Jon Arbuckle as he channeled his inner energy and out came tendrils of lightning.

Jon Arbuckle manifested his lighting as dual katanas and he flew into the air as Haytham unleashed the rapier of darkness.

Haytham and Jon Arbuckle flew through the sky above America as they exchanged tornado of sword strikes. Haytham sent darkness missiles at Jon Arbuckle but Jon Arbuckle vaporized them all with his lightning shield.

"Fool why do you persist in fighting? I have won the war without a single battle fought, Jon Arbuckle. Your future… your world… YOUR LIFE belongs to Haytham now." Laughed Haytham evilly as his Anti-Man created dark clouds that began to rain corruption all over America.

"As long as one man stands against you, Haytham, you'll never be able to claim victory." Said Jon Arbuckle as he pulled out a .45. "And I shall be the light shining in darkness!"

"Then Jon Arbuckle… FEEL THE WRATH OF HAYTHAM!" Said Haytham with move as his eyes glowed blood red and then fired laser beams at Jon Arbuckle who then fired his .45.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Screamed Haytham as the bullet made of light struck Haytham weakening him.

"Heh. Garfield will kick your ass." Said Jon Arbuckle with last words as Haytham's laser beams struck Jon Arbuckle killing him to death.

"YOU FOOL! YOU HAVE MERELY ANGERED A SLEEPING GOD! AND NOW MY WRATH WILL RAIN UPON THE WORLD IN ITS FULL TORRENT!" Screamed Haytham as he grabbed Jon Arbuckle's corpse and then he smiled with nefarious intendings. "But in the meantime, your body will make the perfect new host… FOR HAYTHAM."

Meanwhile Garfield was driving down long stretch of highway in desert while listening to his Judas Priest Screaming for Vengeance album. He pulled into roadside watering hole for drink to quench thirst.

"Give me ten Lasagna Tequilas, fit for a real American hero." Said Garfield with orders to Mexican bartender.

"Sir, Senor Garfield." Said the Mexican bartender with obedience as he poured out ten Lasagna Tequilas and gave them to Garfield.

As Garfield kicked back and relaxed while he enjoyed his whiskeys, he suddenly felt a great disturbance coming. On cue, in piled eternal enemies of cats, Assassin Raccoons led by Achilles.

"Have you seen Garfield anywhere?" Asked Achilles to Mexican bartender with frustration. "We been looking for that no good orange mofo all day."

"Yo boss, I think that cat over there is Garfield!" Said Henchraccoon with spotting.

"I don't know. I might be Garfield, but then again, there's no telling that I am Garfield." Said Garfield with cunning trickery.

"Damn it, stop trying to confuse me!" Screamed Achilles with frustration. "KILL HIM JUST FOR THAT!"

Horde of Assassin Raccoon surrounded Garfield's table as he finished his last whiskey as Achilles hung back watching like true leader. Suddenly burst in jazz band that began to play swingy music for bar fight.

"You Assassin Raccoons have just dug up the wrong trash can." Said Garfield with fight start as he split his table in two with the empty glasses of tequila flying up and with sliding motion sent the two halves across the floor splattering ten Assassin Raccoons.

"Haha Garfield we greatly outnumber you!" Sneered the head Assassin Raccoon.

"Fools never underestimate the power of a good drink." Said Garfield with distilling as the tequila glasses fell down. With lightning hands like the cheetah, Garfield shattered the tequila glasses and sent them flying like ninja knives into the Assassin Raccoons.

"ADSJFIJVCOIVJCXCKEAPFLIPT!" Said many Assassin Raccoons with death as the tequila shards tore them apart.

Another Assassin Raccoon attempted to Air Assassinate Garfield but Garfield snatch trumpet from the jazz band and stick up the Assassin Raccoon's mouth.

"I always make sure to catch my high notes." Said Garfield with musical as he played trumpet until Assassin Raccoon had bloated like balloon and then blew up like shaken bottle of Pepsi

"Well I say this is the end of your solo career!" Screamed Assassin raccoon with desperation as he popped out hidden blades and rush Garfield. Garfield with ease dodged the blades and grab the Assassin Raccoon and rushed him over to the hot wings.

"It's time to kickstart your heartburn." Said Garfield with nutritional information as he snatched hot wings and force fed them to Assassin Raccoon until his body had burned out like matchstick end.

"And now…" Said Garfield with style as Jazz Band hit climax. "It's closing time, you punks."

Garfield then whipped out two Golden Desert Eagles with Lasagna emblems and he unleashed a hail-fire of justice upon the remaining Assassin Raccoons.

"Stop right there! Nikolai no approve of your freespirited loathsome Capitalist piglet American ways." Said the spirit of the wild as Nikolai Orelov leaped in from Soviet Russia. "In Soviet Russia Nikolai kill you!"

Nikolai Orelov then ripped off his shirt, showing off Red Russian Muscles emblazoned with Bolshevik tattoos.

"Here Russian have some vodka. I hear it warms the soul!" Said Garfield as he doused Nikolai in vodka and then set him on fire with static electricity from fur.

"NYET! IN SOVIET RUSSIA YOU HURT PAIN BUT THIS IS NOT WHAT I FEEL?!" Screamed Nikolai in painful as the flames reduced his muscles to burnt crisp.

"Oh, Crimea river." Said Garfield with political humor as he strolled towards Achilles.

"You ain't going to clap me back in chains, you oppressor!" Said Achilles with defiance as Garfield approached him for answers.

"Hold on a second, buster!" Said new challenger with challenging. It was Eseosa, who stepped in with boombox. He threw boombox up in air and as it fell he used taekwondo axe kick to turn it on.

Funky rap music then began to play.

"It's a rap battle ya fatass pussy"

"No one calls me a pussy and lives. Get ready to sing your last lyrics, boy." Said Garfield with anger.

"Yo yo yo yo yogurt man

I'm the Assassin Man

Stabbin Fools

Chuggin Beers

Smokin the Blunts with my bitches in undertow

It's the life of an Assassin Ridah, man

I'm the pro, I'm the baddest G round

Your chronic, fatass Monday hatin'

You ain't ever gone b part of the Hood

What sorta man still sleeps with a teddy bear?

You ain't no man, you a pussy.

Now came at me, Garfield!"

"Yes, here's my rap… to your head!" Said Garfield as he grabbed wooden beam and split Eseosa's head.

"Garfield please spare me!" Said Achilles with glowering.

Garfield ignored the Achilles' pathetic pleas and dragged him to Grand Canyon and held him over edge.

"Tell me where I can find the leader of Garfield Revenge Squad and I'll release you quick!" Said Garfield with interrogations.

"You gotta find Elise in Paris! She'll lead you to Haytham Kenway!" Said Achilles with spilling of beans. "Now can you let me go? You said it would be quick."

"Yes… I'll make it quick. The fall won't, however." Said Garfield with quip as he used claw to separate Achilles from his heel.

Garfield put on his shades and walked back to his car as Achilles screamed all way down. With snap of finger, descending from heavens was Lasagna Falcon fighter jet!

"No better way to travel than to travel in style." Said Garfield with pride.

Meanwhile in secret base of Garfield Revenge Squad on the moon Haytham Kenway was sitting on his throne.

"Master Kenway, there is someone that has come to challenge you." Said Shay Patrick Morrissey with messages.

"Is it Garfield?" Asked Haytham Kenway with hateful anticipation.

"No… BUT YOU'RE GOING TO DICE NONETHELESS!" Screamed challengers as they kicked down the door. It was Doc Boy and Liz!

"You'll pay for using the body of my brother as your vessel you twisted cow of puerile vileness!" Said Doc Boy with anger.

"You ought to be honored that a superior being of existence such as I chose the body of pathetic Jon Arbuckle to inhabit until I can take the body of that feline fiend Garfield to become ultimate evil man." Said Haytham with mockery.

"Pathetic?" Yelled Liz with indignation. "Jon has done more than you ever willled you worthless tea drinker."

"I had hoped that I could convince you to join me in forces." Said Haytham. "I see there is no hope of that. But what I cannot have… I will destroy."

Liz and Doc Boy went into cat and bull stance, and they rushed Haytham.

"Hmph. Fools. All of you. You were born to serve, not to choose." Said Haytham as he swatted them aside with simple focus of mind. "BEHAVE!"

"You think you can defeat us with one knockdown?" Challenged Doc Boy.

"I can do a million things to you without even leaving the comfort of my throne." Said Haytham with authority. "But sense you have had the foolery of coming so long to face me… I WELCOME YOU TO YOUR DEATHS!"

Haytham teleported from his throne to behind Liz and Doc Boy and proceeded to rip out their spines. Laughing maniacally, he drank the dripping blood of Liz.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, Jon Arbuckle…" Said Haytham with mockery to his host. "…your taste in woman just as pathetic as your life."

Meanwhile Garfield had flown fighter jet the to the French City of Paris where French the people where. But before he could land roaring of enemy fighter jet filled his ears.

It was Napoleon!

"This shall be your Waterloo, Garfield!" Said Napoleon with military strageto as began high flying aerial dogfight with many missiles and machine guns set to pulse pounding electric rock soundtrack.

In daring maneuver Garfield did upside down flight and went over Napoleon's jet and then did erection from seat with powerful strike of…

"SHORYUKEN!" Garfield smashed through cockpit glass of Napoleon's fighter jet and disemboweled Napoleon with his fist before grabbing him by neck.

"I'm sorry, but you have to be this tall to take this ride!" Said Garfield with safety measures as he threw Napoleon into passing passenger plane turbine

Then Garfield maneuvered himself in freefelling back into the cockpit of his fighter jet and died successful landing by crashing into the Louvre.

"What is this blaspheme?" Said Citizen Robespierre as he strolled through Louvre with painting admiration with team of famous Frenchmen goons.

"What's the problemo? Haven't you ever had a crash landing, chum?" Said Garfield with good-nature.

"You have desecrated the beautiful icons of France! For that you shall le perish in le name of National Honor!" Said Citizen Robespierre with ire. "Now get him my goons!"

"YES FOR GREATER FRANCE!" Said all the Goons with obedience.

"Always open for an invigorating fight session." Said Garfield with refreshing as he assumed kung fu battle stance after turning on opera for fitting fight music of French.

"We shall show you the superiority of le French Cuisine to le filthy Italian Lasagna!" Said Goon Chef Linguini as he stabbed at Garfield with baguette coated in Brie

"As far as cheese went I always preferred SWISS." Said Garfield as he snapped the baguette in two with karate chop and then pierced the Goon Chef Linguini full of holes with his fists.

"He was my friend you shall pay!" Said Goon Rat with vengeance.

"You are rat I am cat. Your equation has no solution." Said Garfield with food-chain as he lifted Goon Rat and tossed him into mouth.

"My legs are made of le steel, Garfield, the steel of your death! I will prove that I am more danger zone thrill man than you!" Said another goon Remi Gaillard as he game at Garfield with kick.

"I think not." Said Garfield as he blocked the kick and uppercutted Remi Gaillard through roof of Louvre. Leaping into the air Garfield used kick to send Remi Gaillard flying onto top of Eiffel Tower.

"GURBLEBURGLE" Said Remi Gaillard as he clutched tip of Eiffel Tower through chest like Alien.

"Now that is what I call a goal." Said Garfield with sports.

"What a curious sociopathic specimen you are the Garfield. I must inspect you further." Said Goon Inspector Clouseau with curiosity as he came at Garfield with magnifying glass.

"INSPECT THIS." Said Garfield with detective work as he put his fist through Inspector Clouseau's head.

"It is time to die, Garfield!" Said Asterix as he chugged down load of magic potion and rushed Garfield.

Garfield then grabbed Asterix's fist and ripped off the Gaul's arm before beating him to death with it with cartwheel slap maneuver. Garfield kicked aside Asterix corpses and with PSA said "I need no cheating steroid juice to send your life back to the Roman ages for I am the judge, jury, and executionerix."

"I believe in the cutting off of your head!" Said Jean Paul Marat as he rushed at Garfield on rocket powered bathtub.

"Fool I may be cat but I do not fear liquid. And meet my friend COURTESY OF BEN FRANKLIN" Said Garfield with discoveries as he did backflip over Jean Paul Marat and then dropped electric toaster into the water.

"Did you forget about me?" Said shrill piggish voice of chainsmoker with the buzzing of uncloak.

Then Garfield used back elbow to knock off head of Approaching Enemy Spy coming in for backstab!

"If you want to stab, stab. Don't talk." Said Garfield with common sense. "Now who is next?"

In stepped Marquis de Sade in the nude.

"It is retribution for deflowering more women that me, Garfield. I shall subject you to 120 days of Sodom!" Said Marquis de Sade with libertine.

"Come at me then." Said Garfield with acceptance of challenge.

"You shall be the dying man and I the priest!" Said Marquis de Sade as he aimed his personal pistol at Garfield and thundered out white cloud of death.

"Put that away children are watching" Said Garfield morally as he used Desert Eagles shoot off Marquis de Sade's creative tool.

"Oh no! This was my livelihood!" Cried Marquis de Sade as he fell onto floor mourning loss.

"And now it is prison time for Good. The prison of your death!" Said Garfield with execution as he shot Marquis de Sade through the head.

Suddenly Garfield felt the snapping blade of a word as it harmlessly bounced off of his hardened muscles. He whirled around and saw that it was Voltaire.

Voltaire laughed with hateful evil as he twirled his mustache in attack. "I WILL SHOW YOU PEN ARE MIGHTER THAN SWORD!" With vomiting noise Voltaire fired millions of razor edged pens from his mouth.

"Fool then try a gun for size!" Garfield sayd as he blasted down all of Voltaire's pens with his Desert Eagles and then with leap stabbed Voltaire through the head with his gun barrels.

Suddenly smashing in from Above was George RR Martin

"What George RR Martin you are not even French!" Said Garfield with shock. "Why are you betraying America and fighting on the side of these vile freedam hating enemies?"

George RR Martin seething with hatred gave Garfield double-bird. "NOOOO GARFIELD! You're killing everyone, and that's my job, so you shall pay!"

"If you like death so much... HAVE A TASTE" Said Garfield as he intersected George RR Martin and with fury of claws reduced him to baking powder before cooking him into wedding cake with red frosting

Then Garfield herd mocking from above. He saw French knights as they made faces at him.

"You don't frighten us, you filthy American feline, with your American bourgeois mock strength! We fart in your general direction!" Said the French Knights with taunting.

"You belittle your foes with words. But I do it with… ROCKET LAUNCHERS." Said Garfield with heavy weaponry as he took rocket launcher and blew up the knights.

"Spare me Garfield and I will gives you the cakes." Said Marie Antoinette as she brushed her hair.

"Cake is for peasants and uncultured snobs. I hope you can taste the majesty of lasagna IN HELLFIRE." Said Garfield as he delivered flying kick like Bruce Lee to her hair with such force it took off her head.

"If we all attack him at once we surely stand chance of victory!" Proclaimed the Three Musketeers with confidence.

The Three Musketeers rushed at Garfield with rapiers but with simple swipe of claws he took off their hands and then their lives.

"Fools it only gives me more of you to kill at once." Said Garfield with power.

"Ze War is never over 'till all ze Frenchman have fallen!" Said Charles de Gaulle as he stepped up to Garfield and ripped off his shirt showing layers upon layers of fighting muscle.

Garfield and Charles de Gaulle engaged in mid-air zero gravity battle but Garfield quickly gained the upper hand.

"I heard you favor decentralization... here is MY VETO." Said Garfield as he used fists of manly strength like the force of elephant to centralize Charles de Gaulle into large blobby ball.

"Spare me Garfield I surrender! Here is my nation flag as spoiling of victory." Said final goon as he handed Garfield giant white flag on pole. With disgust Garfield saw that it was Phillipe Petain of Vichy France!

"You moron… you forgot that not only is it white…" Said Garfield with recitations as he aimed flagpole like javelin at fleeing Nazi buddy

"But it is red and blue too!" Said Garfield with French as the flagpole stabbed through Phillipe Petain staining it red with his traitor blood and sent him flying into shark-infested Atlantic ocean.

"All of France will be mine, Garfield, and you shall not take it from me!" Said Citizen Robespierre with persistence.

"Hey Robespeeair smile" Ordered the Garfield with orders.

"What?" Said Citizen Robespierre with confusion.

Garfield then grabbed the Mona Lisa and with swing shattered Citizen Robespierre's jaw.

"Ah it feels good to be winner." Said Garfield with triumph as he stepped over dead bodies out of blood-filled Louvre.

"Mon dieu! It is Garfield, the dreaded American lasagna cat!" Said Elise who was outside with dreading recognition. With sharp hearing of the timber wolves, Garfield jumped in front of Arc de Triumph where Elise was with other women Shao Jun, Claudia Auditore, Maria Thorpe, Jennifer Scott, Lucy Stillman, and Rebecca Crane.

"Let's kill the son of a queen!" Said Lucy Stillman with venomous.

"I can the dibs! He killed my big brother!" Said Claudia Auditore with fresh wound.

"Are you crazy? He killed my stepbrother whom I was baise!" Objected Elise.

"Hey Arnold Schwartz was a fagot anyhow!" Said Rebecca Crane with homophobia.

"I wish someone would kill my brother for taking away my daddy's love. Now I think all men pigs should dying." Said Jennifer Scott with issues.

"I deserve the dibs for I was first woman of AC." Said Maria Thorpe with historical relevance.

"Now now I think I should kill Garfield. After all, I'm the most minority of us here and based on Affirmative Action…" Said Shao Jun with social justice.

"Bitch I'm not going to let you take my catskinning from me you filthy yellow negre!" Screamed Elise with racism as she leapt at Shao Jun to begin catfight. Soon all women were atop of each other in pile.

"STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!" Roared Garfield with commanding voice like Morgan Freeman.

"Garfield we are killing each other so you don't have to!" Said Lucy Stillman with questions. "Why are you stopping us?"

"Fighting? Homophobia? Racism? Bloodlust? This is no way for women to behave!" Said Garfield with shock. "I must show you how to become real women!"

"Then show us? You can't tame a wild stallion like me!" Said Elise with disbelief.

"I will!" Said Garfield with promising as he scooped up all the ladies and with a border jump took them to five-star hotel in beautiful Venice.

Garfield order heaping plates of lasagna and doughnuts with champagne to be brought to their suite as he put on Pink Floyd's Young Lust for scene setting.

"I will not let you claim me as your beast of burden!" Said Elise as she refused the food.

"Lady it is all on me but if you refuse then you can have good time watching everyone else eat." Said Garfield with sternness as the other ladies enjoyed their food.

After finishing champing and dining, the ladies except Elise began to strip down as Garfield poured sweet Italian olive oil all over their bodies. Garfield then clapped with amusement as they wrestled for his pleasure with Kool & the Gang's Get Down On It playing over festivities.

"Don't you think this looks fun Elise? You look awfully lonely sitting off there in your corner." Said Garfield with coyness.

"Putain de merde!" Said Elise with rejection. "I will not let you embroil me in your sick games!"

"Fine then. Suit yourself you spoilsport." Said Garfield with subtle mockery.

The ladies finished wrestling with Shao Jun victorious because of her Kung Fu power.

Garfield applauded her and then made new announcing.

"Ladies while it is certainly fun to touch each other all day it is time to take things to the next level. Ladies, I believe you should all have sex with each other." Finished Garfield with a wink.

"Oh, l'humanite!" Cried Elise with horror as all the ladies piled atop of each other and had sex until the next morning. Garfield played emotional rock like Foreigner and Journey all night for added sexiness.

"OH GARFIELD I OFFER YOU MY KUNG PAO CHICKEN!" Screamed Shao Jun with pleasure as she flashed her body at him as Rebecca clawed her back.

"Then Lady I will be proud to become your sifu!" Said Garfield with mastery as he ripped off his bathrobe revealing muscles upon muscles of muslce and hopped into battle.

Shao Jun held onto Garfield behind with warm grip of steel as Lucy Stillman and Rebecca Crane began to massage hot oil onto his massive muscles. Claudia Auditore than went onto Garfield like the anaconda and he made his way deep into her Auditore crypt until he shot into her with hidden gun of sexualized manliness.

"Garfield you make an old lady feeling like fresh choice again." Said Maria Thorpe as Garfield crusaded her fortress breathing fire into all holes as he massaged her creviced bodie throughout and under with his titanium-thick fingers.

"Oh how could I ever think that the men are pigs? I have finally learning my place!" Said Jennifer Scott as Garfield rode her like ship and fired many balls of cannons into the starboard port of the rear.

The fun and games as Garfield and the ladies bonded went on until midnight. All the while Elise stood by awestruck as they partied in front of her seething French fries.

"OH I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE! MAKE ME A REAL WOMAN, GARFIELD!" Screamed Elise with surrender as she ripped off her clothes and leapt into the pile.

"Babe I knew that there was ain't no mountain high enough." Said Garfield with victory of music as he shrugged off the other babes and took her by the hands.

"SHOW ME A GOOD TIME!" Begged Elise with demands as she began to rub Garfields face all over her smooth nimble body.

"Babe, I will prick you harder than the spines of the hedgehog." Said Garfield with lifting as he carried Elise to poster bed with silk cushions and sheets as other babes applaud.

With precision of master marksman, Garfield proceeded to fence Elise as she giggled and then screamed with Delight as she felt the piercing blade of Garfield's rapier.

"OH GARFIELD ARNO WAS A MERE BAGUETTE COMPARED TO YOU!" Said Elise with confessions.

"Aren't they all?" Said Garfield with slyness as he rubbed Elise's croissant with his manly hands of titanium and licked her body clean of cheese.

Garfield and Elise rolled together as one in twirls and somersaults as he worked in and out of the intricacies of her lockpick. Elise then dangled the guns of the Bastille over Garfield and invigorated him with luscious fresh French dairy.

Elise fawned over Garfield with eyes of adoration. "I was nothing but fooling to thinking that I am a independent firestarter! I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite. So don't let me have any rights like a true woman, Garfield!"

"I will lap you clean like bowl of lasagna ice cream." Garfield said with cleaning services.

"Garfield, you are a true man! Ride me as your prized mount!" Said Ellie with rewarding.

"Then I shall ride you wild into the nether hours of the night like a true turbo lover!" Said Garfield with riding as he mounted Elise and rode her like the mighty stallion at the speeds of mustang for nights. Then Garfield rode Elise into the piles and they all laughed sexily as they turned hotel suite into love tornado.

Tangled in the sheets, juices of love flooded the room and soon piled out onto the streets of all Europe.

Later in the morning Garfield readied himself for final journey after Elise gave him location of Haytham Kenway.

"Garfield can you not stay for a hour more?" Said Rebecca with sadness.

"You gave me boat ride I will never forget." Said Jennifer Scott with gratitude.

"Altair was mere pussy compared to you." Said Maria Thorpe with new love.

"There is still much we can learn." Said Lucy Stillman with scholar.

"Yes the last night has been very enlightening I never realize what false woman I had been until then." Said Claudia Auditore with gratitude.

"Garfield I have yet to reach tenth degree in kama sutra black belt. You must show me path more." Said Shao Jun with marital Arts.

"Please Garfield don't leave dont take our hearts away." Said Elise with begging as emotional 80s soft rock and new wave began to play for Maximum Emotional Impact.

"Lady please you are real woman now Here is true music fit for you." Said Garfield with disgust as he handed Elise classics of heavy metal and hard rock.

"Bonjour dear Garfield but promises us you will return." Said Elise with pinning.

"There is nothing I can promise for you cannot pin manly man walking the wilds alone like me in ground. But I will give it some consideration." Said Garfield with promising as he channel inner energy and come felling down with Pontiac Firebird

Garfield rubbed chin with intelligence and snapped his fingers with advanced placement physics. "A-ha. If I build up my increasing force of forward motion as I travel up the Leaning tower of Pizza with sudden bursting of rocket-engine propelling push before I exit the edge and with sudden boost from well-timed explosion of Mount Vesuvius I can propel my car with enough force to reach America."

Garfield then hopped into his Firebird and hit the gas. "I am on the highway to the danger zone." Said Garfield with ignition.

Garfield than ramped up the Leaning Tower of Pizza with such forces that he knocked it down as he shot off of it, creating dust cloud that wiped out surrounding fifty miles.

"Ciao Garfield!" Cheered all the Italian people before they were wiped out of the dust cloud to their demises of choking.

Then Garfield in air flew over Mount Vesuvius and as he finished passing over it he dropped into an Air Force One load of C4 into Mount Vesuvius and hit the detonator which exploded it sending hot lava up into the air that sent Garfield flying towards America.

"Look Mom it is Garfield. He makes me proud to be an American!" Said passing tourist kid with stuffed tiger before the lava wiped him and his family out. Garfield shook his fist at the senseless lost of life.

"I WILL AVENGE YOU!" Said Garfield with vows. "Haytham Kenway, hear my roar... I'm joining your party... dressed to kill"

Garfield flew across Atlantic Ocean to NASA to find rocket to moon. But as soon as Garfield fly into American airspace, he saw that all of America had been consumed by the evilness of the Anti-Man. Suddenly burst of lightning strike Garfield and send him falling to ground.

Garfield land in front of NASA where rockets to moon where. But then Garfield notice all around him population of America who were shambling like zombies. And then from vortex in sky above descended…

"Jon Arbuckle? How has the evil consumed you?" Cried out Garfield in shock.

"Your petty owner was a resilient, hateful gob of shit to the end. But eventually true evil always prevails." Said Haytham as Jon's head morphed into Haythams.

"Haytham Kenway I have come to stop you!" Said Garfield with announcements as he fired at Haytham with Anti-Evil bullets.

"Spastic what is there to stop? I already won while you were busy having orgy with the ladies." Said Haytham with mockery as he turn bullets to dust with wave of hand. "And now…"

Haytham snap finger and suddenly all population of America stir to life. There is were glowing the color of pure evil like Haytham's. Then as Haytham spoke, all of them spoke with his voice.

"Look before you, Garfield. You have dared to steal everything cherished from me, and now you shall pay the price. America is mine, and soon the rest of the world shall fall beneath my curtain of eternal darkness. When the last light of good has been extinguished with my darkness, only I will remain. I will be the God of All Reality. I am the Father of Understanding. With a flick of my finger, worlds are destroyed and recrafted in my image. I am… we are… HAYTHAM."

"Not if I can stop you!" Said Garfield with launching of flying fist.

"Pure feline fool. You only faced basic evil in all your previous adventures. But now… you dare mock the force of TRUE EVIL?" Said Haytham with blasting as he showered Garfield in evil rays.

Suddenly Garfield fell to the ground and felt his manliness leaving him by force coursing into Haythams purple veins that bulged with new power. Then as Garfield was weaken all the People Haythams swarmed over him with intents of murder.

"NOOOO! You can't do this to me! I am Garfield!" Said Garfield with resistance of continuating fighting as he was beat down by the hordes of overwhelmingly nature.

"Look at you, Garfield. Die you shall, without a single bit of fight." Said Haytham cackling with triumph.

"Garfield may have been weakened through your trickery… BUT THE FIGHT CONTINUES!" Said voice of Presidentality! Everyone look up and descend from sky was flaming Bald Eagle that morphed into George Washington. As George Washington land with force of atom bomb, he level city and wipe away millions of evil People Haythasm

"Ah Commander Washington I always did remember you as an inept pussy." Said Haytham with mockins. "Come to die with your nation?"

"No… I came here to help Garfield stop you." Said George Washington as he helped Garfield up..

"Hahaha you are merely fig in wig." Said Haytham. "Now kill him!"

Haytham sent minions against George Washington in droves. Undeterred George Washington withdrew flintlock pistols and fired bullets with lightning fast reflexes and pinpoint accuracy killing the minions.

"The time is near at hand which shall be the end of your tyranny, Haytham." Said George Washington with coolness.

"Fools! You and Garfield are alone in a sea of enemies!" Said Haytham with more throwing of minions.

"It is better to be alone than to be in bad company." Said George Washington with quotations as tank approached.

"George Washington governments should behave and not fight. Bow down and you may be spared!" Said the tank with offers.

"Government is not reason, it is not eloquent, it IS A RAIN OF BULLETS." Said George Washington with response as he fired bullets at tank, piercing the armor and killing the tank.

"Thank you for the assist, George Washington." Said Garfield with fist-bump.

"Fistbump all you like but you will not reach the moon alive!" Said Haytham with snaping of fingers.

Out of the shadows come Altair, Uncle Mario, Malik, Al Mualim, Yusuf, and Shahkulu corrupted with the evil of Anti-Man.

"Gasp! My former comrade Altair… fallen to such wicked sorcery!" Said George Washington with horror.

"Yes… GEORGIE… IT FEELS SO GOOD TO BE THE BAD GUY! And you will join us as one… OR DIE!" Said Altair with laughter.

"I don't think so." Said George Washington as he skillfully dodged Altair's hidden blade and proceeded to withdraw Altair's own sword with pickpocket, slicing Altair in half like fresh jello.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO he was to be my lover you Yankee Doodoo!" Said Malik as he fired rockets from his cyborg arm at George Washington.

George Washington leapt up and with deft footwork landed on one of the rockets and rode it back to Malik. With mid-air flip he grab the rocket and ripped off Malik's cyborg arm before shoving the rocket into Malik's stump.

"Welcome to America… HERE'S YOUR RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS." Said George Washington with Amendments as he kicked Malik away who then exploded.

"I will cut you up like you cut up the cherry tree!" Said Uncle Mario as he rushed George Washington.

"Sir, I confess that I could never tell a lie. But I did not chop down my father's cherry tree… this is how I really did it!" Said George Washington with revelations as he punched off Uncle Mario's head.

"There's two parts to my weapon… the hook and blade. And both are going up your…" Said Yusuf with threats before George Washington lifted him up and snapped him in two with backbreaker.

"Hey George don't hog all the fun!" Said Garfield with entry. "I may be sapped but I still having a bit of fighting man strength!"

"Don't worry I made sure that all men are treated equally under the Constitution." Said George Washington with ratification as he kicked Shahkulu into Garfield who grab him and crush him to scrap heap with piledriver.

"MASTER HAYTHAM WILL PREVAIL YOU INFIDELS!" Said Al Mualim as he called down nuclear missile. The missile fell directly atop of George Washington and Garfield, causing nuclear explosions which killed all of America with vile.

Al Mualim laughed victoriously as Haytham flew back to moon base as fallout begin. But then Al Mualim jaw dropped as he saw two figures standing in the flames untouched.

"What sorcery is this?" Said Al Mualim with superstition.

"Not enough gun." Said George Washington and Garfield in unison as they aimed their pistols and shot Al Mualim exploding his body.

"Now it is time to finish what has been started." Said Garfield with final countdown as he stepped towards NASA over dead bodies.

"God and Nation be with you, Garfield." Said George Washington with respects. Garfield saluted him as George Washington turn back into Giant Bald Eagle on Fire and flew into skies.

At NASA Garfield found rocket ship to Garfield Revenge Squad moon base. Garfield then put on flight jacket and real helmet of Rocketeer to prepare for space flight.

"My manliness has been sapped… I do not know if I will see this journey to the end." Said Garfield with confession as he tied rocket to self like jetpack and kicked start.. "But if I fall today then it will be with the blood of my enemies on my hands... a sacrifice to save the world one final time."

The rocket flared to life and shot upwards into atmosphere, entering space as climatic heartwarming music played as Garfield soured into the cosmos.

With crash, Garfield arrive in Moon Base. But before Garfield could find Haytham, powerful hand deck Garfield.

"If you want to get to Gorgeous Haytham, you have to get through FABULOUS ME!" Said Shay Patrick Morrissey with sub-boss as he combed hair into quiff.

"Would you hurt an innocent little kitty like me?" Said Garfield with kitten eyes.

"I love animals… but you hurt my precious Haytham-senpai's feelings! That means I hate YOU" Said Shay Patrick Morrissey with adoration. "So for once… I AM A HUNTER AND I SHALL MURDER YOU TO DELICIOUS MEAT!"

Shay Patrick Morrissey than hit hideous contraption powered by the evils of alt-rock and pop music. It fired beam that hit Garfield, knocking him back.

"Your age of heavy metal and hard rock has come to closing!" Said Shay Patrick Morrissey with trends. "Now everyday shall be silent and grey… LIKE ME!"

"You fool! You do not know what Pandora's Box you open!" Said Garfield with warning as he tried to resist beam.

"Yes I do. Soon Haytham-senpai and I will hang all DJs who dare play music but mine!" Said Shay Patrick Morrissey with laughter. "AND THE WORLD WILL FALL! IT SHALL BE AN END TO LIFE OF FREELOVING AND WOMEN! SOON… ALL SHALL KNOW THE MAJESTY OF HAIRSPRAY AND VEGEANISM AND HUNK IN YOUR ARMS!"

"You monster!" Said Garfield with horror.

"And you are dead!" Said Shay Patrick Morrissey with mighty blow of really nothing.

Later Garfield stirred. He felt familiar hands stroking his cheeks. As Garfield blink open eyes, he saw himself staring into face of angel.

"Is… is this heaven?" Said Garfield with wonder.

"No… Garfield… this is Haytham's prison. He intends to kill you himself. But I will not stand to see my kitten's life ended by that mongrel!" Said cloaked figure as she ripped off cloak to reveal that she was Garfield's mom.

Garfield then look around room and he saw the dead bodies of Orson Booker Doc Boy and Liz.

"Mother you do not know the risk of being here! What if they catch you?" Said Garfield with concern.

"Garfield I taught you everything you know about being true macho man. Risk is nothing to me!" Said Garfield's mom with tsking.

"Mother I cannot stop Haytham. He has taken my manliness from me." Said Garfield with weakness.

"Garfield… manliness is not something that can be measured. He has taken nothing from you. On your feet, my precious little warrior." Said Garfield's mom with motivation.

Garfield rose to his feet. It was true. He could feel his manliness returning to his veins. But before he could celebrate, Garfield's Mom was suddenly blown away by grenade launcher.

"Enough of that. Pft… families. Who needs 'em? They never understood me… or the magic of eyeliner and hairspray!" Said Shay Patrick Morrissey with bitterness.

"MOTHER!" Screamed Garfield with shock. He rushed to his mother's side, as she lay bleeding and coughing final breaths.

"Garfield…" Said Garfield's mom with tears as she felt his cheek and spoke with farewells. "You will think yourself alone, but know that I will be at your side. Always and forever. Be brave… for me."

"Is there no one that I love that will not be lost to evil?" Said Garfield with grief as a single manly tear strolled down his cheek.

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Laughed Shay Patrick Morrissey with bagging. "From the Ice Age to the Dull Age, she has eluded my sights. But now… THE QUEEN IS DEAD!"

"Garfield… take this. It is the First Lasagna." Said Garfield's mom as she handed Garfield the First Lasagna. "Eat it…"

"Then what, Mother?" Asked Garfield as he tried to find way to saving her.

"Save… the… world…" Said Garfield's mom as she passed away.

Garfield screamed angry roar of loss as he clutched his mother's still body. Flashbacks of happy childhood memories began to play as Garfield grieved.

"Haha! What a mommy's boy! It turns out that the world's former manliest man is no more than a big wuss. Now you truly know the power of this charming man." Said Shay Patrick Morrissey with ridicule and ego.

Then Garfield put the First Lasagna into his mouth and suddenly there was thunderbolt of lightning and explosion that knocked Shay Patrick Morrissey back.

The power of the First Lasagna coursed through Garfield's veins, accelerating his manliness to 11 levels. He was no longer just a man… he had reached his full potential. Garfield had become the ultimate, True Man. Garfield has become GARZOOKA as he flexed his new muscles and struck heroic pose like Superman.

"Wait… what is this?" Began Shay Patrick Morrissey as he begin fire grenade launcher in fear. But Garzooka caught the grenades in his mouth and swallowed them whole without harm.

"MMM. Just like pop rocks." Said Garzooka with rumble.

"Oh shit I just started something I couldn't finish!" Said Shay Patrick Morrissey as he realized he had made greater mistake than stealing Grizzly bears food.

"You think you can kill my mother and walk away alive? NOW FEEL THE WRATH OF A TRUE MAN!" Said Garzooka with charge of minotaur as he tackled Shay Patrick Morrisey. Garzooka broke threw the walls and flew into outer space and then he uppercutted Shay Patrick Morrissey through the moon shattering it into pieces. Then with power of mind Garzooka reformed the moon and smashed Shay through it ten more times. Then he tackled Shay Patrick Morrisey through the Earth like football and destroyed it before tackling him through all of the remaining planets as well as Pluto causing chain reaction that annihilated the galaxies.

"You think you can best me, you jumped up pantry boy?" Said Shay Patrick Morrissey as he pulled out his potato launcher and fired deadly potatoes at Garzooka.

"UP YOURS!" Retorted Garzooka with maturity as he did hurricane block destroying all the potatoes before he uppercutted Shay Patrick Morrissey with tip of middle finger defeating him.

"It was just business! I was just doing my job!" Protested Shay as Garzooka held him by neck as he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out business cards.

"And so am I! THIS IS FOR MY MOTHER, YOU SON OF A BITCH." Said Garzooka as he punched through Shay Patrick Morrissey's heart. But to Garzooka's shock, circuitry was revealed as he pull out hand.

"Oh no Garzooka I am actually a Terminator! You cannot kill me through punch alone." Said Shay Patrick Morrissey with revelations.

"Ever being to a barbeque then?"Asked Garzooka with summer days to Shay Patrick Morrissey.

"Huh? What do you mean BBQAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Screamed Shay Patrick Morrissey as he went to a BBQ when Garzooka charged up inner heat and from his eyes and mouth unleashed atomic lasagna fire on Shay Patrick Morrissey reducing him to Terminator skeleton lined with hairspray products

"Now you're terminated, pretty boy." Said Garzooka with centripetal force as he swung Shay Patrick Morrissey by the leg like cyclone and released him into the sun.

"Now I know how Joan of Arc felt!" Shay Patrick Morrissey screamed death as sun set fire to his hairspray.

"Now to finish Haytham!" Said Garzooka as he flew back to moon.

"Not so fast!" Said roadblock as thousands of Shay Patrick Morrissey Terminators marched out of base in unison order. "We'll never let you take our Haytham-Senpai while we're alive!"

"Then I will dispose of you all like man who finds his love scorned by woman How soon is the now of your deaths you Terminatees?" Said Garzooka with vengeance fueled muscle reflexes of ancient lasagna techniques as he terminated through the Shay Patrick Morrisseys with the speed of dragon and the strength of Bigfoot.

Garzooka tossed aside the last decapitated head after crushing it like it was made of Japanese paper and kicked hole into base.

"What the fu" Said evil scientist Alan Turing with death as piece of wall Garzooka kicked smash him to death.

"Please have mercy!" Said good scientist Leonardo da Vinci as he bowed before Garzooka. Standing behind Leonardo was a giant wish-making machine.

"What is happened here, punk? Answer and I'll let you keep your head." Asked Garzooka.

"It is horrible! Alan Turing had kidnapped me as part of his twisted evil scheme for revenge on manly world for rejecting him. He created the Shay Patrick Morrisseys Terminators for Haytham Kenway to spread his gay music and he plan to turn all world into gays like him with wishmaking machine so that manly men would know what it was like to be persecuted! But I knew it was wrong for we were proving to our gay naysayers that we should be hated! I tried to persuade Alan Turing to use his inventions for gay good but he was too twisted by his hatred." Said Leonardo with exposition.

"What is that monstrosity?" Asked Garzooka as he pointed at the machine.

"It is a God from the Machine! All problems shall be resolved with simple wish." Said Leonardo with revelations and pride. "I built that."

"Good, Leonardo. You have redeemed your service to evil through that. Now…" Said Garzooka with preparations. But suddenly with snap of finger Leonardo da Vinci's head blew up like microwaved aluminum along with the wishmaking machine.

"Not so fast. Think you could undo everything I have done here, Garfield?" Said Haytham as he walked into the room.

"I will. AFTER YOU EAT FIST." Said Garzooka as he punched Haytham with manly strength so powerful it exorcised Haytham's evil spirit from Jon Arbuckle's body.

"Gasp!" Said Jon Arbuckle with return to life. "Garfield… it was so horrible! I could see… but I couldn't do anything… Oh God… the things I've done!"

"Do not fret, Jon Arbuckle. Haytham's evil was controlling you like twisted handpuppet. What you done was not your fault. And for the record… it's Garzooka." Said Garzooka with corrections.

"You think you even have a chance in hell of winning?" Said Haytham's spirit with probability as it manifested itself around the room as pure evil, sucking Garzooka into black hole created by his hatred.

Surrounded by pure evil, Garzooka began to feel his strength being sapped away quickly. But fearless… he stood before the pure evil that was Haytham which surrounded him.

"Look before you, Garfield. Your world has come to its end. I robbed your people of manliness, hope, future, their own freewill. What will you do when your friends, your enemies, your lovers, are all Haytham? When there is one body. One mind. One will. One life that is Haytham. We require no Creed, no indoctrination by insecure spastics such as yourself burying yourself in worthless accomplishments and manliness. When I have fully exerted my grasp upon the strings that shape reality, the ponce will be the new man. Will you be the enemy of all existence, then, as you take your last breath as I reign above you with your blood on my hands? What irony that will be, Garfield. All of reality shall… no, is mine. I am the world's new god, a superior being to the pestilence such as yourself. You are be no less than a filthy gnat, swatted from being. Why do you not cower before the ultimate might that is Haytham in your final minutes?" Said Haytham with grand villainy.

"I ain't afraid of no ghosts." Said Garzooka with ghostbusting as he began to hum motivational tune.

"That you shall be in your last pathetic seconds as this specter that is I, Haytham plucks you apart atom by atom." Said Haytham with murder.

Garzooka stood his ground as Haytham closed in. All hope appeared to have being sucked into hole of black. But then Garzooka heard familiar voice.

"AMAKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Jon Arbuckle smashed into the black hole with hair billowing and a guitar in his hand, tearing a hole through Haytham who roared with pain of dying gorilla as light flooded through his wound.

"Thank you Jon Arbuckle this is your chance for redeeming the actions Haytham made you too." Said Garzooka with crimson death.

"I've brought the rest of the band too!" Said Jon Arbuckle with introductions as Odie on drums and Connor on bass also smashed through Haytham causing him further distress like late pizza delivery man.

"You traitor spastic of a son. What the bloody hell do you think you are doing?" Said Haytham with British hatred of half-breed bastard as the band got ready to play.

"In better days long gone by I thought that I could unite us and forge a better future. I thought that I could unite us, make you see the world the way I did and we could let go of the hatred that consumed us as Assassins and Templars for I had believed that the bonds of family would triumph in the end. But that was just a dream. Your evil has shown itself to be far too great to allow to live and so I shall assist Great Garfield who shall lead us to the Golden Age in kicking your ass." Said Connor with compromise.

The band then began to play their song, opening with heavy rocking bass and drum combo before Jon launched into heavy metal guitar riff, accentuated throughout with sexy jazz solos piano honky tonk and catchy beats of melodic melodies. Fireworks popped, lighting up the blackness of Haytham with AMERICAN RED WHITE AND BLUE EXPLOSIONs that unwound his fibers. All band members hit climax chord causing electrifying light to span out as their majestic hair electrifyingly shot up and sent strength of music flying into Garzooka as whole area began to smell of freshly baked lasagna. Then led to the manly voice of Garzooka, emanating from lips like mighty archangel as he took a hold of a microphone. As Garzooka sang, bits of Haytham started to explode and pop and reform what reality he had destroyed. The band continued to play with greater light show than all of Fourth of Julys historic put together amplifying Garzooka's voice to 11 levels with their instruments

"Hey babe the skies the limit

And you are welcome to take flight in it

My lasagna skies

When the sun has set and the pissant Moon hangs limp like Corn Dog of poo

Lasagna skies will be here for you

My lasagna skies

Warm gooey cheese that melts the heart of ice that Is Hell

I am the rider and you the wild stallion mane and all is well

We will ride high into the lasagna skies

Take the fight to the skies as we roll in jets of fighters flying low and high

This is no dream this is not a lie

Lock on twice and penetrate the ricotta cheese

I'll fire my missiles as we tailspin through lasagna skies in furious breeze

My machine gun of love makes it parmesan mark upon your mozzarella melting

Meatballs keep the aerials firm as we go twirling

My lasagna skies

Stacked atop of each other like noodles

There shall be nothing to tear us apart like bisected poodles

All of us one under the sky

Where no infants cry

The Lasagna Skies

No Lonely Man Walks His Road Alone

For you are here to give him good bone

Long as the lasagna skies reign aces high

You can dance as we cut into one like pizza pie

In the lasagna skies I am King

All of I rise up for you with the thrill of flight in smoke ring

And Babe I Will Queen You

All naysayers hung like fool

In my Lasagna skies

Highway to the Imperial Bedrooms

I will rock you like Asian Typhoon

The sun never sets like the sauce of tomato

Bright red forever like your lips fueling my libido

As we tumble as we kiss

This is the highest form of bliss

We fly deeper into one another

Together as one we shall fly forever

Never apart again

IN MY LASAGNA SKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYS"

Then Garzooka used the last of his superpower to channel inner Manliness and with roar louder than Godzilla he unleashed final note of song as hypersonic frequency.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Said Haytham with defeat as the hypersonic frequency split his spirit into atoms that began to be sucked into the hatred black hole of his making.

"True Evil always hated good music." Said Garfield as he morphed back from Garzooka.

"Connor… save me… I'm your father. Please... I am sorry. In my final pathetic minutes I weep for what may have been, may you not lend hand of mercy and forgiveness? Family blood… is… forever. I promise I will take you for ice cream and get you a puppy and kitty that you can play with every day you sad lonely savage…" Said Haytham with false promises as with final push of strength manifested himself in form. Haytham struggled forward, trying to resist the pull of black hole as he reaching out to sun but with each second black hole sucked pieces of Haytham back into it.

"Good-bye father." Said Connor with redskin talk with one tear of what might of been as Garfield shot Haytham through the head with his desert eagle.

"GARFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIELD! You think you have won…" Said Haytham with dying words initiating further stage of multiple climax as he disappeared into nothingness. "But with my passing you must now face the Original Evil itself!"

"Flee my good friends you do not have strength to take upon Original Evil itself I will face him alone." Said Garfield with sendings away.

"Slay him like you cook your steaks Garfield!" Said Jon Arbuckle as he and the band flew away.

Then from out of the darkness emerged ancient Original Evil. Garfield hair bristle and stick up but his manliness stood unintimidated as the Original Evil older than those who came before emerged.

"HEEEEEEEY, KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDS!" Said the Original Evil as it stood before Garfield like Colossus. It went out from shadow fully to reveal that it was Binky the Clown!

"I should've seen this coming." Said Garfield with shaking of head.

"YES GARFIELD YOU SHOULD'VE! BUT YOU DIDN'T AND NOW YOUR GOING TO DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!" Said Binky the Clown with deranged laughter.

"I think not. Binky the Clown, meet Pooky!" Said Garfield said as he pressed button and materialization before Garfield with Giant Mecha Pooky.

"HAHAHAHAHA YOU THINK YOUR TINKER TOYS CAN STOP ME?" Said Binky the Clown with disbelief.

"This mech is powered by Lasagna. Perfect food for smashing in evil's face." Said Garfield as he boarded Giant Mecha Pooky. "Now I will kill you like I cook my steaks - toasted on the outside, bloody on the inside."

"THEN YOU SHALL BE LIKE DISAPPOINTED CHILD ON FIRST CHRISTMAS MORNING!" Said Binky the Clown with fight initiation.

Garfield and Binky the Clown then began climatic final battling.

Garfield did several acrobatic twirls with gunplaying as the Binky the Clown lobbed death cream pies at him. Binky the Clown fired chillling life freezing acid from his flower but Garfield counteracted it by launching fire from mouth.

"YOU KNOW HOW I GOT THESE SCARS?" Binky the Clown asked with questions as he swiped at Garfield.

"No but I know how you got these." Said Garfield as he punched off Binky the Clown's head. But then a knew Binky the Clown head sprouted in its place.

"How does fighting unarmed go for you?" Said Garfield with disarmament as he chopped off Binky the Clown's arms with laser katana.

But then instantly grew back Binky the Clown's arms.

"Missiles are an essential part of a nutritious breakfast." Said Garfield with dietary as missiles flew from Giant Mecha Pooky's chest and struck Binky the Clown in thousands. But as smoke cleared Binky the Clown emerged unhurting and grew ten thousand times in size dwarfing Giant Mecha Pooky like ant.

"NEENER NEENER NEENER HOO HOO GARFIELD CANT YOU SEE? YOU CANNOT DEFEAT ME, GARFIELD, LIKE YOU DEFEATED OTHER EVIL. I AM THE ORIGINAL EVIL AND IT HAS BEEN PROPHESIED THAT NO MANLY MAN LIKE YOU EVER BE ABLE TO STRIKE ME DOWN. I AM THE BEGINNING AND THE END OF TIME, AND THERE SHALL BE NO MORE HEROES IN MY REIGN. I SHALL CONSUME ALL THAT IS GOOD AND MANLY STARTING WITH YOUS." Boasted Binky the Clown with unleashing of ultra evil EMP that shut down Giant Mecha Pooky.

"Blast you Clown this not the end! I will have my sweet vengeance yet!" Said Garfield with no fear as giant shadow tendrils erupted from Binky the Clown and began to pull Giant Mecha Pooky towards him.

"NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE YOU! ONLY A LOSER COULD STOP ME… AND IN YOUR WORLD, ONLY WINNERS EXIST! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Laughed Binky the Clown with preparations of consuming.

"Then Binky if you are winning than I am to be a loser!" Said Garfield with smart logic.

"OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT LOGIC!" Moaned Binky the Clown with sudden realization that Garfield Always wins!.

Giant Mecha Pooky then activated its super, final form - Super Lasagna Battle Fortress Pooky!

"COME ON GARFIELD THIS ISN'T FAIR." Complained Binky the Clown with ire as Super Lasagna Battle Fortress Pooky shot out great hooks that bound Binky the Clown in painful place shocking him with skinblistering electricity.

Garfield merely chortled with mockery. "Now… TIME TO PUT A FROWN ON THIS CLOWN!"

The Super Lasagna Battle Fortress Pooky charged up giant laser beam that was more powerful than the Big Bang and began to lower it.

"I JUST WANTED TO HAVE SOME FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN GARFIELD" Whined Binky the Clown with great frown as the laser beam cut through him and suddenly there was explosion of blinding light.

When Garfield came to he was standing at poolside deck of his mansion. Two sexy pirate babes Anne Boney and Mary Reed were giggling as they massaged him in dark places pleasure.

"Is this it? Has everything finally been wined?" Said Garfield with wonder as he looked over swimming pool filled with the sexy Assassin and Templar babes from his adventure.

"Yes my son you have won. You have restored all the good in the world and have saved the day once moer. By triumphing over ultimate evil itself you have proved yourself the greatest man that ever lived Garfield." Said the spirit of Garfield's mom as she appeared in the sky as Giant Head. "Now… goodbye my son."

"Farewell… Mother. You were the finest woman I have ever knowing." Said Garfield with salute as the Giant Head faded away.

"Come on Dear Garfield the pool is cool and we are waiting for you!" Said Elise as she removed her top showing supple French curves.

"But there is no use dwelling on past losses. Now is the time for celebrating my victory with fast loving and surplus babes." Said Garfield with celebrating good times.

"Garfield Good news! My mom has been resurrected, and I think it would be good time to celebrate before she dies again! I have fresh shipments of lasagna and gelato from Italy incoming" Said Connor as he strolled up with Connor's mom in hand who begin erotically pets Garfield.

"I think to commemorate this moment you and your mother should make out for our pleasure." Said Garfield with Freudian.

Connor and Connor's mom embraced and they began to French kiss as everyone clapped with amazement.

"I think today we have learned that anyone can be a winner if they try hard enough." Said Garfield with morals as he saw Presidents of the United States approaching to congratulate him.

"Thank you Garfield for saving the world once more." Said Obama the President with congraturatings. "Now as reward of our gratitude here is the title of King of America for you."

"No man in the history of existence has been suited for such role until now. You will forever ensure union." Said Abraham Lincoln with appraisals.

"I am sorry but I am living life of adventurer and manly man far too fast and much to settle down for kingly duties." Said Garfield with rejection.

"Then at very least accept ownership of Indiana." Said George Washington with land grant.

"Very well if anything can be done to satisfying you." Garfield accepted with dignity.

"May we make new deal of joining your party?" Said Franklin D. Roosevelt with hopes.

"Very well you may join the celebratings." Garfield invited with pride.

"Oh yeah baby Jefferson's back in the house!" Said Thomas Jefferson with playing as he took some hot chocolate to savor.

"Garfield my fellow we must go hunting one of these days with our bare hands." Said Theodore Roosevelt with sportsmanship. "We shall be macho man traversing with hair billowing in wild winds."

"Yes that will be soon. But Now is now and now is the time for babes." Said Garfield as he leapt into pool making hugh splash like atomic bomb.

Garfield floated on floaty as he enjoyed fine bottle of scotch and dish of lasagna. As babes clambered all over him with soft loving bodies, Garfield aahed with satisfaction.

"Don't you just love a happy ending?" Asked Jon Arbuckle as he played romantic ballad with his guitar for all to here.

"Yes but why was my role reduced to mere cameo? Garfield gets all the action and glory at end even when I play pivotal assistance. He shall pay for this one day!" Odie growled with canine jealousy in further ominous foreshadowing.

"It's good to be me." Said Garfield as he began wild romances with the babes in the pool and whole country heard the lovings of their romantics.

The end…?

Authors note: I wrote this in support of gay rights


End file.
